pyromaniac.

^{dearfireofaboy,}

<sup>i remember the first time you set me on fire.
and no, not in the cute, metaphorical way
you'd probably expect me to say. i remember
literally the first time you set me on fire.

i had a box of matches in my pocket and
fringe from the holes in my kneecaps, and
right quick you slipped the fire right out of
my hands and let the flames lick at my jeans,
proving to be quite flammable as they burned.

that's the first time you set me on fire metaphorically speaking too.

after the fire burned out you turned into
shattered mirrors and broken bones,
beautiful though you were of the flawed
sort. your hollow cheekbones and one-sided
smiles kept you gorgeous, as you attempted
to flick the charcoal hair from your ebony eyes.

- - - -

it was eleven-eleven and you asked me what
i had wished for. lovemelovemelovemeloveme
it was eleven-eleven and for the first time i
lied to you. thunderstormsandburningbridges.

you told me you didn't know what you'd do
if i ever made you cry. i didn't have the heart
to tell you that you already had, so instead
i turned the conversation into something lighter,
and off we were again on the subject of fire.

- - - -

i laid on the cellar floor, letting the tears roll
off my cheeks and drip onto the cement, all
the while you whispering into my ear- hello?
he asked me if i was there and no, no i wasn't
there but i still answered with surprise calmness
yeah, i'm fine. i'll talk to you some other time.
i hung up on his protests and let out the sobs
that were racking my entire frame, almost like
my ribs were breaking and my heart was imploding
and maybe my lungs were collapsing but
you didn't need to know that.

- - - -

one night when you walked me home, when you
went to hug me goodbye i guess you could feel
my nervousness because you went right ahead
and asked- why is your heart beating so fast?
(it's always that way around you. alwaysalwaysalways)
and it was true, my heart was beating like humming
bird wings, quick and fast and all jumbled like it
was just about to break. i smiled into your eyes
and halfway muttered because maybe i love you.
it's like you didn't even hear the maybe.

- - - -

i carved love into a candle and watched it
burn away, the wax dripping over my bruised
fingertips. i felt the fire lick at my palms and
secretly i wondered how long it had been since
the last time i felt alive. beads of white hot
left red welts on my skin, and i didn't feel a thing.</sup>