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i didn’t fall in love with you
until your skin was already grey and i
had to tell you what the weather was like
since you couldn’t leave your bed.

i didn’t mind long nights in the hospital
because making you laugh brought a warmth
to my cheeks that burnt hotter than a
forest fire, you never laughed at me for blushing

i snuck you in alcohol and forbidden foods
and pushed you around in that rusted wheel chair,
and all the nurses looked at us with
miserable eyes that said more than the doctors
would ever tell me.

naively i thought it was good news
when you said they were sending you home; but
when i saw you strewn across your wine red sheets
my heart was heavy with foreboding, and
neither one of us said anything while i
slid an iv into your paper-skin hand, so
i never asked if you were okay.

we kissed and i didn’t comment
on your snowflake lips or the fact that
your hands shook like earth quakes when
they grazed my thigh and i held you tightly
like if i could keep all your pieces together
you’d never break apart,
but the world is never that easy.

for forty-seven days we laughed
and cried, and kissed, and fucked and fought
in that bed;
your mom knew but she still let me stay the night.
i heard her weeping through the walls,
i never knew she was counting down the minutes
that we still had together.

after forty-seven mornings of you
kissing me awake i was confused by
the feeling of sunlight on my lips and
i will never forget the way it cast
shadows across your sullen face.
they say the heart knows before the brain does;
it must be true because i felt the avalanche in my chest
and i don’t know if i’ll ever stop crying because
your mouth was pursed as if
you had tried to say goodbye but
God was dead set on fucking us over,
one last time

i had a dream last night
Add a Comment:
 

Daily Deviation

Given 2014-05-30
Goodbye by crushasphyxia is an intense, impactful piece conveying the feeling of slowly losing a loved one. ( Featured by IrrevocableFate )
:iconuniquestrangeawesome:
UniqueStrangeAwesome Featured By Owner May 28, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
A very, very, very, very, very well deserved DD... ... ... </3
Reply
:iconhopeburnsblue:
hopeburnsblue Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2014  Professional Writer
Wow, so sad ... but really, really good. :love:
Reply
:iconbluebellwriter7:
Bluebellwriter7 Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Student General Artist
How sad. You've done a wonderful job with this.
Reply
:iconwhisperingwillow19:
WhisperingWillow19 Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I am speechless. Dreams like that are always the worst dreams to have. But nevertheless, I have them quite often. 


~Fang. 
Reply
:iconpearwood:
pearwood Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Beautifully written.
Reply
:iconshadowisstillalive:
ShadowIsStillAlive Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow, that was like a sucker-punch to my feelings. Good job on the poem, and, assuming this has happened to you, I hope you start to heal, and I hope they rest in peace.
Reply
:iconjaneyart:
JaneyArt Featured By Owner May 30, 2014   Traditional Artist
As a traditional artist who rarely reads anything on here, I read this .... it painted a picture for me with words. 
I am not a writer but I can imagine that would not be an easy thing to do, so congrats on the much deserved DD. 

I didn't even notice the lack of capitals or anything else you have been (in my opinion) unfairly critiqued on. 
Reply
:icontirasunil:
tirasunil Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Student Writer
Beautiful, very sorry for this. :( God didn't take this person, though. Just wanted to say that. 
Reply
:iconmilajay:
MilaJay Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Impressive!! :)
Reply
:iconanimelover7032:
animelover7032 Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
;-; This is beautiful. Congrats on the DD!
Reply
:icondaybreaksmiles:
daybreaksmiles Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Congrats on the DD, regardless of what any other comments have said, this is a very touching and heartfelt piece. It carries a strong voice and a clear message which are some of the most important things when writing poetry :heart:
Reply
:iconkira-jones:
Kira-Jones Featured By Owner May 30, 2014
It beautifully played and snapped my heart strings 
Reply
:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Congratulations on your well-deserved DD!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::iconlainloveplz::iconflyingheartsplz: :clap::clap::clap:
I’m very happy for you!!! :iconloveloveplz: :tighthug:
Reply
:iconfeathery-blue-otaku:
feathery-blue-otaku Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
oh gosh
wow those feels
Reply
:iconminyassa:
Minyassa Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Very vivid, has me sobbing.
Reply
:iconraptorwolf-aml:
Raptorwolf-AML Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
GORGEOUS
Reply
:iconthe-cat-loving-kid:
The-Cat-Loving-Kid Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
This. Is. So. SAD! D'X
Reply
:iconturborabbit:
turboRabbit Featured By Owner May 30, 2014
Wow.
Tears.
Reply
:iconterratehterrarizor:
TerraTehTerrarizor Featured By Owner May 30, 2014
Sad beautiful badass, and filled with emotion. This is a soul-touching piece of work.
Reply
:iconiamoret:
iAmoret Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
there are no words for how much I love this :iconhhhhplz:
Reply
:iconcarnefix:
Carnefix Featured By Owner May 30, 2014
I truly hope that this is a work of heightened empathy and pure crystallized creativity.
Each line is like a brushstroke, painting for the reader a landscape full of honest desperation and the defiance of destiny.
For me personally, it showed what it might feel like to love a flame that burns out too rapidly but still manages to grant enough warmth to thaw every heart and brilliant enough to leave such a "mark" behind.

Thank you.

P.S. Punctuation and capitalization are in my opinion irrelevant since it manages to express its message, but to each their own.
Reply
:icondamaimikaz:
DamaiMikaz Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm by no means an expert on literature, and I can't give you any constructive feedback.
I do know that reading this made me feel such overwhelming familiarity that it made me cry.
Reply
:iconcoloringbook4u:
Coloringbook4U Featured By Owner May 30, 2014   General Artist
Cry Cry  
so sad
Reply
:iconhazysunray:
HazySunray Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
A well deserved DD. 
Reply
:iconaidanmo:
aidanmo Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Heart -Heart  
Reply
:icondailybreadcafe:
DailyBreadCafe Featured By Owner May 30, 2014   Writer
As someone who's literally just been in this situation, I really wish you'd done this better. Sure there's "emotion" in it, but you haven't done this, have you? 
As another commenter said, it wouldn't have killed to use punctuation and capital letters correctly... yes, I do understand that sometimes "poets" don't for a wealth of (not very good) reasons, but this was cheesy and badly done. There's nothing to it, except another sob story from someone who (probably) has no idea what this is like. 
Reply
:iconshikkaba:
shikkaba Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Interface Designer
You're wishing someone wrote poetry with better punctuation because you were in that situation...

Have you heard of EE Cummings? They wrote poetry in this style.
So, just because it isn't written with periods and capitals in places where they should always be, doesn't mean it isn't poetry.
Reply
:icondailybreadcafe:
DailyBreadCafe Featured By Owner May 31, 2014   Writer
Where did I say that it wasn't poetry? I just don't think it's good poetry. EE Cummings played around with punctuation etc as a stylistic choice. What I get from this poem is that the writer doesn't know how to use punctuation correctly. Not the same thing.

I also think it's badly done because of the lack of poetic devices (EE Cummings uses them, this poet does not), which is a criticism I have of LOTS of poetry on deviantART. It's just a shame that this person has written another "poem" in the name of "free verse."

Just look up my track record; I'm forever telling dA poets that they need to write better. It's not about the situation. It's about writing real poetry instead of writing something with lots of "feelings" and "emotion" and saying, "Wow, now that's poetry!!" 
Reply
:iconannissina:
Annissina Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I've also been in this situation and I liked it. :shrug: but then again, I know nothing about poetry.
Reply
:icondailybreadcafe:
DailyBreadCafe Featured By Owner May 31, 2014   Writer
I like my poetry to have actual poetic devices rather than be prose-that's-afraid-of-the-right-side-of-the-page. This is why I say it could have been done better. I don't think it's poetry. 
Reply
:iconannissina:
Annissina Featured By Owner May 31, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I really didn't understand anything ^^; but to each their own, I guess. :)
Reply
:icondailybreadcafe:
DailyBreadCafe Featured By Owner May 31, 2014   Writer
Sure.
Reply
:iconvondashroom:
VonDaShroom Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I only read half of this because I'm afraid if I read further, I'll cry. This is truly amazing, I can't imagine how strong both people in this story would have to be. Of all the things I've seen get a DD, nothing deserved it quite so much as this. Seriously.. amazing.
Reply
:iconeternities22:
Eternities22 Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Sigh. Sorry, but I'm going to have to be critical here. Just because a deviation gets a DD doesn't make it exempt from criticism.

Firstly, you should really not be so lazy and actually capitalize the first letters of each line and the "I"s in the poem; there also needs to be a full stop at the end of the last stanza. I mean, for goodness sake; you should really proofread your literary deviation before you submit it. Secondly, this poem is very cheesy in my opinion, with too many forced similes, like "My cheeks burnt hotter than a forest fire" and "Your hands shook like earthquakes", and some of it just sounds weird, like "Neither one of us said anything while I slid an IV into your paper-skin hand, so I never asked if you were okay." and "I was confused by the feeling of sunlight on my lips". Lastly, the two f-bombs are jarringly out of place; this is meant to be a sad poem, and honestly swearing just doesn't work in this context. I really think this poem could have been great if you had worked harder on it; it honestly looks like a first draft. Sorry, but I really don't like it. :(
Reply
:iconshikkaba:
shikkaba Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Interface Designer
Clearly you haven't heard of EE Cummings
Reply
:iconarbitergirl:
ArbiterGirl Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I just got a DD a couple of days ago, and someone attempted to 'bust me' on this one as well

A lot of poets refrain from using punctuation and capitals of any form for a very specific reason.
I do not know this writer's exact reason, but here is mine:

I heard once in an english lesson that the reason why 'I' is capitalized, is because it's a title, much like Lord, Lady, Queen, President and so on. Taking away that capitalization demotes the self, and/or creates an air of quietness
The self is nor important, but the rest of the subject matter is. Taking away the title of self and forcing equal representation of all parts creates an atmosphere, that people who actually appreciate poetry, can truly understand. 

And the lack of punctuation serves the same purpose
Had there been more commas, periods, and the like it would take attention away from the words. By leaving out punctuation, the reader is not focused on where breaths, pauses and exclamations are, and the poetry can flow more freely in a means that is more personal to the reader
It also creates different kidns of atmospheres, depending on the subject matter of the piece


A lack of capitalization and punctuation is not a newly-budding writer, or a lack of care, or the thing that signifies a 'first draft'. 




Everything else, I can completely respect your opinion, even if I don't agree with it
But when a poet does things like that with the lack of punctuation or capitalization, with the truly good poets, it isn't to follow a trend, but rather serves an actual purpose. 
So try reading it over a few times before you bash a writer for any 'lacking' in these areas
Then try to read it with the capitalization and punctuation
You'll find that when you add those in, it completely changes the way it is read, and the emotion it gives off. 
Reply
:iconannissina:
Annissina Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for writing this. I hate the capital I in English, makes me feel like they think they're all high and mighty.
Reply
:iconarbitergirl:
ArbiterGirl Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I don't know how true this is, but I heard it somewhere, and it really resonated with me. 

I like it as a literary device. I just wish it was more acceptable to use both in the english language, if in the right situations. 
But, it isn't, and never will be, so sadly we have to deal with it. 

hahaha
Reply
:iconannissina:
Annissina Featured By Owner May 31, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I know, it's such a pain though. None of the other languages I've studied (or at least know something about) capitalize their I's! You're right, we should just accept it cause it will never change :iconsighingplz:
Reply
:iconfull-darkness:
Full-Darkness Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I noticed that about taking away punctuation and capitalization as well. It creates a really small, broken voice, so I hate it when people criticize it when it's obviously done on purpose. It's not like you don't do it because you don't know to do it. That annoys me.
Reply
:iconarbitergirl:
ArbiterGirl Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That's why I wrote out the comment. 

Hopefully, more people would see it, and understand the purpose behind it. 
Reply
:iconwolfart2001:
WOLFart2001 Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
😭sad
Reply
:iconisabel-w:
Isabel-W Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This might actually help... Wonderful piece.
Reply
:iconmrandmrsstumpf:
MrAndMrsStumpf Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
How completely heartwrenching. D: Not looking forward to when my husband die. I'll admit, I cried when I read this. This is beautifully written and tells a beautiful love story.
Reply
:iconthat1personyouforgot:
That1PersonYouForgot Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is deep. Real deep. Wonderful job~ :heart: Congrats on your well-deserved DD!
Reply
:icondemonlight:
demonlight Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Professional Writer
Good stuff this.
Reply
:iconrandomization1998:
Randomization1998 Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
*cries for a billion years*
Reply
:iconohbeautifuldelilah:
ohbeautifuldelilah Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Student Writer
More than faving this, I'll remember this.
Reply
:iconcarrollbriggs:
carrollbriggs Featured By Owner May 30, 2014
It must've been an intense dream.
Reply
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